


Now That It's Done

by ithinkyourewonderful



Category: ER
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-10-19
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:24:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5030038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithinkyourewonderful/pseuds/ithinkyourewonderful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ten years after Kim Legaspi left Chicago, she meets up with an old friend in Miami.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: Why do a Kim/Kerry story after all this time? Why not? Every year or so, I re-watch their episodes and every time I'm struck by something new and it occurred to me that the Kerry Weaver that left County General was not the same that watched Kim as she left County. Even more interesting is that Kim would now be around the same age Kerry was when they started dating.

"These symptoms, however misleading, are actually all from the underlying condition of..." Dr. Kim Legaspi looked out towards the sea of countless doctors seated before her from her vantage point up on the lectern. Some jotting notes, others politely doodling to keep from looking bored or quietly whispering to one another. The most hostile faces were the ones hovering above the crossed arms, resentful of the fact they had to be here, listening. She couldn't begrudge them - she had been in their position too often to count, listening to some blowhard babble on towards something that bared little to no impact on the lives of her patients. "What this means, other than the fact that it gives us something to talk about over the pigs in a blanket at the nightly mixer is that we're missing the actual issues being faced by our patients and misdiagnosing and perhaps mis-medicating them."

With her weak joke she managed to jar at least some of her peers back to reality and decided to switch tactics to keep their attention now that she managed to capture it. She began to remove her glasses as she stepped out from her podium when something caught her eye from the back of the room. It shouldn't have. Not really. People walked in and out of these medical conferences all the time, but there was something very familiar about the figure who slipped in quietly through the doors and stood against the far wall. The hair had changed, the clothes had changed but still, 200 feet away, Kim still recognized her. Shaking her head, Kim continued her lecture, determined not to be distracted by this sudden appearance. At the very least, she wasn't going to humiliate herself. Through her presentation, Kim found herself glancing towards the other woman but not looking at her. She couldn't bring herself to do that, not yet - but knowing she was there pushed Kim to pretend as if she didn't see her, and didn't care. She smiled more towards the sea of doctors, flirted with them, engaged with them and managed to make the facts and statistics as entertaining as possible. She knew that she was performing for the other woman, compensating for any one of 17 complex and varied emotions she was feeling due to the unexpected presence of the slim woman from her past who was now in the back of the room, watching her intently.

A clear of the throat from the moderator reminded Kim to wrap up with a quick summary and a reminder she'd be available to discuss the presented subject. She smiled through the polite clapping and then walked down the steps from the stage towards the back of the room. "Kim, that was great!" A short man sweating through his shirt popped out in front of her, thrusting out his meaty hand. "Larry, Dr. Larry Carpenter from Michigan! We met at the last conference?"

"Right! Hi Larry!"

"Look, really enjoyed your preso." (Kim shuddered internally at the thought of anyone actively referring to something as her 'preso') "Do you have a minute to talk about it? I have some -"

"I'd love to Larry but I've got to run and meet someone. I'm so sorry! Listen -" Kim tried to peer around all the bodies who had risen, but couldn't see the small woman in the crowd. "Send me an e-mail and we'll set up a time to chat, kay?" She patted him on his arm and quickly dodged by. She managed to take another two steps before she was stopped again. And again after that. By the time she made it to the back of the room, Kerry Weaver was long gone, with nothing to prove she was ever actually there. She could've after all been nothing more than a figment of Kim's imagination, brought about by the stress of having to present her supervisor's finding for her, it could've been the jet lag, or the venti black-eye coffee from Starbucks coupled with her breakfast of cold chinese take out left over from last night's dinner. It could've been any number of things, ranging from the mundane to the insane, but the fact of the matter was, she had been 200 feet away from Kerry Anne Weaver.

Kim walked out of the room and into the hall and leaned against the wall, trying to calm her rapid breathing. Funny, she hadn't noticed it had sped up. What had just happened? Where did Kerry come from and where did she go? More importantly, what did she want?

"Ok Weaver, let's see if you can get this in one shot!" The gruff voice called out from behind the camera positioned towards her.

"One shot's all I need Carl, let's just make sure you remember to keep me in focus this time, all right?" She teased back, adjusting the front of suit and taking a deep breath.

"Yeah, yeah. Ready in...three...two..." He wordlessly mimed the number one and pointed towards Kerry Weaver, standing before him with a microphone in her hand.

"Thanks Tammy! I'm standing here in the Miami's Marriott hotel where countless doctors and medical practitioners have descended on our city in search of fun and sun in between the topics being discussed at the 19th annual..." And for a moment, Kerry forgot everything she had planned to say. She just stood there frozen in her spot, as the door to one of the convention rooms opened and an all-too-familar voice echoes out towards her.

"Weaver? Weaver! Oy! Kerry!" Carl called out, snapping his fingers towards her.

"I just screwed that take didn't I?" She asked, returning to reality as the door before her shut.

"Oh yeah, big time. Luckily we're just going to tape. What happened there?" He glanced behind his shoulder but seeing nothing more than a smattering of suited stuffy doctors. "An ex or something?" He could see Kerry fitting in with this crowd. It wasn't meant to be a dig towards her, it was just she didn't seem to fit in to the station or it's politics. She seemed too smart, too unambitious to rise in its ranks beyond producer and occasional on-air talent. Didn't really matter to Carl though, she showed up on early, ready to work, rarely needed more than one or two takes to nail her piece and occasionally helped him strike his equipment - that's all that concerned him.

"Or something like that." Kerry smiled sadly, leaning to her side for moment before shaking herself alert and setting her shoulder back. "Ready when you are!" She said, launching back into her segment.

After wrapping up, Kerry found herself pushing open the door towards the conference room. She promised herself she was just going to peek in, to make sure that the mess of blonde curls and the familiar voice really did add up to Kim Legaspi, but once the door was open and Kim was sighted, Kerry couldn't help but ease into the room and hang around the back of the room, praying she wouldn't be spotted. It had been years since she'd seen Kim. It had been 10 years or so - it must have been right before Kim left Chicago - Kerry went down to river one afternoon and promptly turned around when she saw Legaspi standing there, gazing at the water. She had done well for herself, Kerry thought as she occasionally stumbled upon her name in some of the medical journals - she published enough to keep her job safe yet her writing was scant enough to allow her to actually help her patients. She had forgotten how captivating she was - not just as a lover, but as a human being. She seemed to smile to everyone her eyes reached, she managed to put them at ease and make something dull interesting, even if only for a few moments. Kerry found a smile creep across her face as she watched the blonde with an odd sense of pride. For a few months, she had been lucky enough to have known Kim. Time hadn't so much erased the pain of being abandoned by Kim, or lessened her own sense of shame at abandoning her - it simply allowed for the distance to gain perspective and forgive. At least it did for her, she wasn't sure if Kim would ever forgive.

Kerry stepped back further in the shadows of the back wall as the lecture began to wrap up. She began to feel her breath begin to turn shallow and a familiar discomfort in her chest. It didn't rise often anymore, occasionally late at night when she would watch Henry sleeping from the doorway, aware that Sandy should be there with her. Or when she'd reach into her closet and accidentally pull out Kim's blue shirt, unable to get rid of it after all those years. She watched as the doctors applauded Kim as she left the stage and was embraced by a friend. Pressing her hand towards her chest to relieve the discomfort, Kerry turned and walked out.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Carla asked, glancing at the blonde in the seat next to her.

"Carla - I've got sun, I've got a convertible, and I've got a weekend free from that conference - trust me, I don't mind running a last minute errand - especially in your car!" Kim sighed in pleasure, letting her fair skin soak up the sun as it shone down on both women in the convertible. San Francisco, while nice in its consistent, tepid weather grew boring day after day, year after year. Almost every day began with fog rolling out across the Sunset and being blocked by Twin Peaks; it would then be dazzling in the Mission and Castro, but dark Downtown in the shadows of the buildings and North Beach...well sadly, she wasn't 23 anymore. "Where are we off to anyways?"

"I promised Pete I'd drop off some files. After that, the day is yours milady!"

"Perfect! I expect a lot of sun and a lot pretty ladies! I deserve it after all!"

"Yes you do, after all that hard work you did at the seminar. How long was your speech, 45 minutes? You're a brave little soldier!" Carla laughed as she pulled her car into the visitor's parking lot behind a long, sprawl of a building.

"You looking forward to dinner tonight?"

"YES!" Kim exclaimed, following her friend into a lobby. "I can't wait to see everybody! Not to mention the civiche! Oh my god - if it's not fish, it's not going into my mouth tonight! Shut up." She smirked, preemptively cutting off Carla's smart-ass comment.

"I didn't say anything! You need your I.D."

"You were thinking it." Kim responded, digging through the chaotic contents of her purse until she fished out her California Driver's license and handed it to the guard who was checking them in. They stood in the lobby of a television studio she guessed, with call letters and large, glossy photos of various newscasters and television personalities decorating the bright area. They took the I.D. badges handed to them and were directed to the back elevators.

"I can't believe you bribed the DMV to retake your photo 7 times Kim!" Carla laughed, snatching the card from Kim's hand and examining it as they waited for elevator.

"Well, I couldn't be sure which shirt would look better, so I brought a few. Always be prepared has always been my motto!"

"Since when?"

"Since ... now?" The blonde laughed and grabbed the card back and tossed it into her purse.

"It's a miracle you find anything down there!"

"Carla," Kim began, looking at the lanky brunette who made her look short, "How long have you known me? Since college? When have I ever lost anything of mine?"

"Lost?" Carla thought it over as she stepped onto the waiting elevator, joined by two cameramen, talking to themselves. "Never. Misplaced permanently, now that's another story. There was my mid-term, my textbook, my car keys the day were were about to start our road trip, my favorite..."

"I can't believe that Weaver did it - I mean, they always talk about it, but damn - if it wasn't so cold, it'd be amazing!" The elevator stopped and the two got off, continuing their conversation as the doors slid shut. Kim felt the blood rush to her head. Weaver? They couldn't mean WEAVER Weaver, could they? She wasn't even sure it was her at the back of-

"Come to think of it," Carla continued, finally exhausting her list of things lost by Legaspi, and snapping her out of her thoughts, "Most of the things you've lost have been mine!" She began to lead them down the hall, with Kim trailing behind her.

"Hey Car - who've we come to see?"

"Just dropping off some files right...here!" She stopped short at the last office, a nondescript door with a simple engraved nameplate: K. Weaver.

"You know, I think I'll just wait for you down at-"

"Don't worry -" Carla quickly rapped upon the door and threw Kim a smile. "We'll just be a second! Besides, I think you'll like her."

"Yeah, it's just -" Kim could feel her breakfast rising up to her throat. 10 years and the thought of running into Kerry Weaver still made her nauseous. She quickly ran her hands through her hair and skimmed her teeth with her tongue, hoping nothing was stuck. Apparently the possibility of seeing Kerry again also made her rethink every decision regarding her appearance today. In all likelihood, Kerry was somewhere in Chicago, freezing as she waited for the El, or being puked on or bled on by some patient, not here in a television studio in Miami, she told herself, the thoughts allowing herself to relax.

And then the door flew open and the floor fell out from beneath Kim. On the other side of the door was indeed Kerry Weaver. She had a phone wedged between her head and her shoulder and was murmuring frequent sounds in the affirmative as she reviewed and signed off on a clipboard in her hand. She didn't even look up at them, simply opened the door and stepped back inside. Carla strolled in and motioned for Kim to do the same. With hesitation, Kim followed and watched as Kerry handed the clipboard to a waiting P.A. who rushed out of the office. "You would NOT believe how scared they all are of her here!" Carla whispered to Kim. "And apparently she says she's a LOT calmer now than she was before she got here! Get a bottle of Merlot into her and she's a pussycat!" Kim smiled in spite of herself at the foggy thoughts of cold Chicago nights spent staying warm with a bottle of red and the redhead before her.

Kim began to look around the office, anything to keep from looking at the woman behind the desk - who looked younger now than she ever did when they were together. The office was painted a tastefully neutral beige. It held a brown leather couch and a brown leather chair behind massive modern metal desk. An interesting design choice, but not incongruous. Large windows let in light and the wall against which she and Carla stood against was lined with countless shelves of books, DVD's and a giant television muted but showing a live feed of the studio, presumably downstairs. She didn't know what to think, Kim turned around and began to inspect the shelves in an attempt to try to glean some more information about who this woman was, now. Also - she just really didn't want to see her. Maybe, Kim thought to herself, she could get through this without Kerry recognizing her, she could...hide behind her hair? Spend the entire interaction with her back to the other woman? She picked up a small framed photo of a little boy, around 5 or 6 (but then again, she was awful at these things, much to disappointment of her parents, her siblings and her numerous nieces and nephews all eager for another addition). The boy, with his dark curls and brown eyes looked nothing like Kerry, save for a quiet and contained energy, a sparkle in his eyes. "Isn't he cute?" Carla asked, "He's the sweetest kid I've met! If I could guarantee progeny like Henry, I'd be barefoot and in my kitchen already!"

"That's what I like to hear! Ladies barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen!" Kerry teased, her voice ringing out and startling the blonde, who thankfully avoided knocking the photo over. "Sorry Carla, he wouldn't get off the phone! How are you?" Kerry apologized, her voice growing closer and closer. Kim stood awkwardly, her back to the women who she was sure had embraced behind her. She could feel Kerry's eyes on her. How on earth did she manage to do that? 1200 miles away and still, she managed to make others feel like delinquent children.

"No worries - this seems calm for you today! Kerry, this is a friend of mine, Kim Legaspi. Kim," She finally had to turn around, forced by Carla's introduction, "This is Kerry Weaver. She works with Pete and has been trying to get together a human interest piece to drum up some attention for the shelter." Kim couldn't think. She couldn't move. She couldn't do anything except stare at the woman before her. For all she knew, Carla may have introduced Kerry as the second coming and it would've gone over her head as she took in every detail of Kerry Weaver. She had fantasized about this moment more often than she'd care to admit: on the treadmill, on muni, stuck in an exceptionally long line at Whole Foods - she'd be on a date with Christina Hendrick's identical lesbian twin and catch a glimpse of a faded Kerry staring at her longingly. While not healthy, it wasn't out of the ordinary to have reunion fantasies - and now it seems, was completely inaccurate. The woman before her looked anything but faded - her hair was a darker red then when she'd last seen Kerry by the river in Chicago, her blue-green eyes definitely leaning towards the blue end of the spectrum, she seemed lighter, different in her slim jeans and silk blouse yet the same air of sensibility and strength. And her effect over Kim hadn't changed much either - fight as she may, she could feel the same stupid grin spread across her face the way it did when she spotted the other woman in the halls of County. A sharp nudge in the form of Carla's elbow in her ribs shook her out of haze of reflection. "Owww." Kim yelped, rubbing her side and shooting Carla a nasty look. "What was that for?"

"Sorry Kerry, little known fact about Kimmy here is that she was raised by wolves. True story." Carla smirked at the tall blonde, "It explains for the lack of manners."

"I'd say it's shock. It's good to see you again Kim." Kerry said, her hand outstretched towards her.

"Yeah, Kerry. You too." She took Kerry's hand and shook it, only then feeling the slight tremor of the other woman's hand. "God, how long has it been?" Kim asked, feigning indifference.

"Ten years." The smaller woman responded, each word weighted. "How've you been?"

"Good. Same old, how 'bout you?"

"Same old." Kerry smiled.

"Last I checked, same old wasn't a television studio in Miami." Kim laughed, shaking her hair off her shoulders. She had fallen back into flirting with the other woman. She hadn't thought about it, it had just happened. Why? She wasn't even that into redheads...anymore.

"Well, it's been a while." Kerry responded, her eyes clouding over momentarily.

"So, I take it you two know each other?" Carla interjected, reminding the two women of her presence.

"We used to work together." Kerry explained, providing the Cliffsnotes version. There was no need to exhume the whole of the relationship for others - a trait that went against the very nature of most of her gay friends who did nothing but unpack, dissect and disseminate every relationship they'd ever had.

"It was in Chicago." Kim completed. "Right before I left."

"I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye before you left." Kerry murmured, lowering her eyes.

"So, you dated? And Kim dumped you for San Francisco?" Carla concluded, a twinkle in her eye at the uncovered truth.

"Has anyone ever commented on your remarkable level of tact?" The redhead remarked as she made her way back to the safety behind her desk.

"Tact is just prettying up the truth!"

"See Kerry, where I got my aversion for tact from?" Kim asked eyeing Kerry. Something seemed different but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. "As for who dumped who, I think it was...more complicated than San Francisco." Kim confessed.

"But that was so very long ago - back when Kim was the tender age of -"

"Shut it!" Kim shouted, shooting daggers at her friend. Her age was a sore spot, one best remedied with ice cream whenever the subject came up.

"Speaking of, Kerr - tonight, you free?" Carla asked. Kim felt her stomach churn. She knew that tone in Carla's voice. She'd heard it too many times to think it held the promise of anything good. That tone got her in trouble more times than she could count.

"Tonight, why?"

"Well, we've been talking about meeting up for dinner and we just haven't had the chance? Well, a bunch of us are having dinner before Kimmy leaves - you should join us!"

"I don't think -"

"Don't think! Just show up!" Carla exclaimed, her efforts at playing Match Maker painfully obvious. "Kim, tell her, it's been 10 years, entirely too long." Kim could only stand there, staring at her shoes. She didn't want to see Kerry again. Not for dinner, not for lunch, and most definitely not for breakfast. Except that she did. She didn't want to, but she did. "What Kimberly means, by standing there all shy and modest is that it's been entirely too long and she'd very much like it if you come."

"I'd love to - I really would Carla, but I've got plans. I am sorry Kim."

"Well, just think it over. It's at 8 at Peces if you can make it. We'd love to see you." Carla hooked her arm in Kim's and proceeded to escort her out of the room and back down the hall they walked down 10 minutes ago.

Had it really only been 10 minutes? "Well, that went well. Except for that whole frozen in place thing you did. Who knows, maybe she found it endearing?" The elevator appeared and it's doors slid open.

"Listen, Carla - I'll meet you downstairs in 5, ok?" She turned on her heel and marched her way down the hall, but every step became more and more hesitant until she approached the open door and raised her hand to knock, but instead ducked her head into the door way and watched as Kerry stood behind her desk in the same position behind her desk, rifling her papers aimlessly.

"Ker?" Kim softly announced her presence.

"Kim. Come in."

"I, uh, left Carla by the elevator. I just wanted to say, I know you're probably busy and it is short notice, but if you could make it tonight, I'd really like it." Kim looked up at Kerry, who was wearing an inscrutable look across her face. "I mean, it'd be good to see you again." Kim quickly turned back down the hallway before she had time to think about what she'd just done.


	3. Chapter 3

She had to hurry - she only had a few minutes before she had to run out to get to Henry's school in time. She had hoped to get there with more time to spare, but between the last minute equipment breakdown and traffic on the way due to the accident on the 1, not to mention finding a florist open this late... Kerry sighed and ran her hand through her hair. She hadn't had time to swing by home to change. At least she had managed to dig out a pair of heels and some lipstick from the bottom of her emergency bag at the office, it didn't do much, but at least it dressed up her jeans and her blouse. Heels were a new hobby of Kerry's - well, newish, and the brown leather heeled boots were amongst one of her favorites, comfortable, practical, and if she was honest, cute.

Not that it mattered.

It never mattered what she wore, contrasted against the lanky blonde, she always seemed to fade into the background, which was fine, it was where she had always been most comfortable. It was good, Kerry thought, that she wasn't able to get too dressed up. It saved her the hassle of having to worry about what to wear or what to do with her hair - now, all she had to worry about is how to act. Seeing Kim at the conference was one thing, she had been anonymous and safe but when she showed up with Carla, that was startling and entirely too close for comfort. She was proud that she'd been able to get through the entire meeting without stumbling over her words or staring at her too long, she had even resisted the urge to reach out and touch her, make sure she was real.

When Kim left for San Francisco, Kerry treated it as if she had died - had mourned her, convinced she'd never recover, then moved on to fall in love all over again with Sandy. And it was Sandy who taught her the difference between mourning someone who left and someone who was taken. She wasn't sure why she came, except that Kim had asked and that now she wanted to see if what had drawn the two of them together was still there. In all likelyhood, it wasn't - it had been years and they were completely different people in completely different circumstances, but Kerry, so far from home (funny to think of Chicago as home) seemed drawn to the woman who was drawn to who she was there. It may have come across as narcism but it wasn't - Kerry had lost, not counting her mothers, two women she'd loved very much, one couldn't come back, and the other did and she wanted to see if who she was now fit with who Kim was now.

This was all too heavy a thought for 8.15 on a Friday night, with a cool breeze blowing off the Atlantic. She was glad to see Kim again. That is all she'd allow herself to feel. Kerry repeated this thought to herself as entered the restaurant and crossed the floor towards the ocean fronted patio where the group was sitting. Carla had said 'some people' but there was easily 10 or 12 people there - only a handful whom she recognized - with Kim seated at the head with the table and the ocean spread out before her. She was glad to see Kim again. She repeated, taking a deep breath to steady her nerves and slow the rapidly increasing heartbeats that echoed in her chest. She was glad to see Kim again.

Before she could change her mind, Kerry moved forward to the table, lightly dropping a hand on the blonde woman's shoulder and presenting her with the small bouquet of hydrangeas and lilacs. "Kerry!" She exclaimed, rising quickly to envelope the other woman in a quick but unexpected hug. "I'm so glad you came!" Kim spoke softly, pulling away swiftly. Perhaps, Kerry thought, she remembers she's supposed to hate me? "I can't stay, but I said I'd try. So, I'm here. These are for you." She handed Kim the flowers and felt her breath catch as their hands brushed. "Ker, they're beautiful. Lilacs are my favorite! I can't believe you'd remember." Kim rose the flowers to her face and inhaled deeply and Kerry felt her stomach drop. "Ker - you made it! Here, sit down!" Pete stood, offering her his chair.

"I'm glad you rescheduled," Carla teased, tugging on Kerry's sleeve from her chair. "Otherwise Pete and I'd feel neglected!"

"Hi guys!" Kerry bent to give Carla's cheek a kiss, then rose to do the same for lanky, handsome Pete.

"Guys, this is Kerry, we used to work together in Chicago, like, years ago!" Kim announced to the group who was curiously looking on at the other woman's arrival.

"Sit, sit!" Pete offered, looking around to snag another chair.

"I'd love to, I really would," Kerry explained, "But I've really got to go and pick up Henry from school, rehearsal will be over soon. I just wanted to stop by and..." And what, Kerry thought. What did she think she'd accomplish in ten minutes, with Kim being surrounded by friends. She was surprised that aside from one or two eyebrows raised in recognition, she got out of the introductions relatively unscathed. "Anyways, I just wanted to stop by - it was good to see you again." Kerry smiled at Kim one of her rare, real smiles which revealed her teeth and crinkled her eyes. "It was nice to meet you all," Kerry called out the the table in front of her, "Pete, Monday?"

"Monday." He repeated, before he sat back down.

"Ker - let me, at least walk you out."

"Stay Kim." Kerry said, clasping her hand around Kim's for a moment before letting go.

"No. I'm walking you out, Weaver." She placed a protective hand on the small of Kerry's back and followed her through the restaurant. "Sure I can't talk you to stay? When I said I'd love to see you, I hoped for a little longer than a few moments."

"I know, I'm sorry. It was good to see you again." Kerry spoke as they stood outside the restaurant, oblivious to the pedestrians walking past them.

"Come over."

"What?" Kerry hadn't heard her correctly. That's all there was to it. She was not standing on a sandy sidewalk of a restaurant, with the sun setting behind Kimberly Legaspi as she was asking her over. She just wasn't. Twelve hours ago, this wasn't in the realm of possibility.

"Come over. Tonight."

"Kim, I...can't." She couldn't.

"I understand." You couldn't.

"I, I have Henry." She watched as Kim's eyes grew wide in understanding. "My son. It was his picture you were looking at earlier."

"Right, God, Kerry, I'm so sorry. I just saw you and you weren't wearing a ring and Carla didn't mention anyone but I didn't ask a-"

"Kim," Kerry took her hand, "It's fine, I just can't come over. But, if you'd like..." She couldn't believe she was doing this, "You could come over?"

"I could."

"You could. If you wanted. But you have a table full of people who want your time as well, so if you don't get a chance to, I understand."

"Kerry Weaver, you're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Dismissing yourself."

"You know," Kerry smiled, squeezing her hand, "I'm suddenly reminded why I stopped dating psychiatrists."

"Well, once you go psych, you never go back." Kim teased, tossing out a smile.

"I should go." Kerry announced, but not moving away from the other woman.

"I should too." Neither did Kim move away from her. After a moment, both women laughed and the moment was broken. Kerry smiled and Kim pulled her in for another hug. This one was longer, with both women holding the other as they rediscovered the sweet spots where they could nestle into each other. Kerry could feel Kim stroking her hair, getting lost the the gentle sensation. They finally broke apart, and Kerry headed across the street, towards her car, still enjoying the thought of the other woman when she turned around to make sure Kim was real, and the moment had happened. Kim was indeed real, she stood across the street, watching Kerry, the flowers still in her hand. The flowers - that's right! "Hey Kim!" She shouted out.

"Yeah?"

"Happy Birthday!" Kerry watched as joy spread out across the other woman's face and she burst out laughing, burying her face into her flowers.

As Kerry drove to Henry's school she made sure to note every detail of that exchange. She never wanted to loose that moment. There were certain moments she'd file away deep into her memories so she could pull them up as if these were cards in an antiquated catalogue system - one of laughing Sandy on a Tuesday morning as Kerry unexpectedly nailed her with a snow ball; of Henry's first word; of the look of pride on her ex-husband's face the first (and only) time he'd made her breakfast in bed. And now this - to be filed next to the memory of watching Kim dry her wet hair in the dark of an early morning. No matter who Kim was, or what their relationship was or would be, she would know that she once made Kim Legaspi giggle with glee.


	4. Chapter 4

Kerry wasn't sure if the knock at her door was a knock at her door.

This 'hipster electric' music her assistant had given her to help her 'chill out' made it hard to tell if the many clangs, bangs and sounds were part of the 'sonic landscape' or if they were actual sounds. And while it was often calming, with the lulling of the wave of sounds blending with the sounds of the actual waves outside her house, tonight it was playing tricks on her. Throughout the night she thought she'd hear the doorbell chime when it hadn't, or her phone ring when it didn't. Which didn't make sense because she hadn't given Kim an address or a number to go with her invitation to stop by. Kim's reappearance had her flustered and Kerry Weaver was not a woman who enjoyed fluster. She enjoyed peace, and order, and logic and...a nice glass of red. In fact, she rose to pour herself one when the sound happened again. It was most definitely a knock. "Kerry? It's Kim!" Kerry rushed to the door then paused and counted to five to collect herself so she wouldn't look like she was rushing before she opened the door.

"Kim!" She exclaimed, "Come on in!"

"Kerry! I'm so glad I'm at the right house!" She turned to wave at the car which had dropped her off then stepped into Kerry's house. "I was out there realizing that it's past eleven and I could potentially be knocking loudly at some stranger person's door. Beautiful house by the way."

"Thanks - how did you ev-"

"Carla. I wasn't sure if the invitation was still open, so I figured I'd just stop by - not give you a chance to say no." Kim was nervous, Kerry realized, taking in the other woman's rambling. She reached out and took the younger woman's hand in her own, "I was about to pour myself a glass of wine, can I get you anything?"

"Sure, I'll have whatever you're having."

"Great." Still holding her hand, she lead Kim to the large and airy kitchen, brightly lit and gleaming. "I wouldn't have said no. I'm glad you came." Kerry admitted as she began to busy herself with with wine when she heard Kim speak from where she was sitting at the bar stools by the counter. "What was that?" Kerry turned around, placing a glass of red before the other woman, then pulling up a bar stool on the other side of the counter so they could be face to face.

"I said," Kim cleared her throat, "You would have every right to say no. I was pretty awful the last time we saw each other." She took a sip of wine. "Nice, Australian?"

"No, Californian, it's 100% Malbac, so it's pretty smooth." Kerry explained, taking a deep breath and looking into the ruby red in her own glass. "Kim, I could dance around it, and you could dance around it - but I just-the last time we saw each other, I put you in an awful situation and you will NEVER know how sorry I am for that. We both reacted poorly. Luckily," She took a sip, "We grow. And I hope that that is something we can put behind us?"

"Yes!" Kim stuck out her hand from across the counter and beamed, her blue eyes sparkling. Just how much wine had Kim had to work up the courage to come over, Kerry thought. "Hi, I'm Kim, and you are?"

"Kerry. Kerry Weaver." Kerry laughed as she shook her friend's hand.

"Well Kerry, it's very nice to meet you. You have a lovely house, do you always invite strange blonde ladies in for wine?"

"Only the beautiful ones." Oh God - why are you flirting? Why are you flirting? Why are you flirting? Kerry's internal voice shrieked loudly at her. Unfortunately, Kerry sat there, mesmerized by Kim's smile, and their hands touching and -

"I forgot how beautiful you are, Kerry." What? She couldn't mean in. She was at her best attractive, but not beautiful. Beauty was a strong label to throw around. Besides, that was supposed to be her line.

The sound of a thundering herd of elephants suddenly filled the room, which could only mean one thing - Henry was running down the stairs. Kerry stood, breaking her contact with Kim's hand and braced for her son's arrival. Henry was her pride and joy, her reason for being and the reason for her sleepless nights and worry lines. "Mommommommommom!" He called out, sliding into the tiled kitchen in his stocking feet, "Can I watch one more episode? Please? Donna just became a robot and the Doctor and River have to save her!" He looked up at her, his big brown eyes pleading and his hands were clasped in prayer, buried in still-too-long sleeves of his Chicago Blackhawks jersey his grandparents had given him last Christmas. "Please?" He repeated, sticking his lower lip out into a pout. He was playing with her, he didn't really pout and plead, but it helped him feel more like other children, like he was finagling something extra from his mom, so she went along with it - although most of the time, Kerry found it hard not to laugh at her son's efforts. "Henry, can you say hello to our guest first?" She asked, nodding her head towards Kim. "Then can I watch 'Forest of the Dead'?"

"Henry." She warned.

"Hello, my name Henry Weaver. I'm very pleased to meet you." Kerry watched in delight as he stood on his tip-toes and held out his sleeve-covered hand towards Kim. To her credit, the younger woman did her best attempt at hiding her giggles as she shook his hand. "Very nice to meet you Henry. My name's Kim Legaspi. You know, I have a jersey just like it. I borrowed it from my brother about 15 years ago and I never gave it back."

"Wow. That makes you very old." Henry responded in grave earnestness and Kerry couldn't hold back her laughter anymore.

"Yes, yes it does." Kim handled the moment tactfully - "Almost as old as you mom here." Well, almost tactfully.

"Hen, you know today's Kim's birthday? What do we say to people on their birthdays?" Kerry asked, once she got herself under control.

"Happy Birthday? Happy Birthday Kim Legaspi. Or, do you prefer Kimberly?"

Kerry reached onto the metal storage rack to pull down some plates and paused briefly. She watched Henry through the eyes of the other woman - he was precocious to be sure, smart, well-behaved and polite. In some ways, his very adult mannerisms reminded her of her own upbringing - how Sandy would've loved to watch Henry in moments like this. "Well Henry, most people call me Kim. My mother only calls me Kimberly when I'm in trouble."

"Do you get into trouble a lot?"

"Not a lot... but more than I'd like." Kim laughed. "What do people call you?"

"Well, at school they call me Henry W. 'cause we have a Henry T. as well. And mami and papi call me mijo and mom calls me Henry or Hen, and sometimes she forgets that I'm 8 and will still call me baby, but I'm not a baby anymore, am I mom?"

"Nope, you're my little man. Now, how would you two feel about some birthday cake?"

"Birthday Cake?" Both of them turned to Kerry, excitement on their faces.

"Yes, birthday cake. And it's almost midnight, so we'll have to eat it fast, otherwise it won't be Kim's birthday!"

"Can we light candles and everything?" Henry asked, watching as Kerry pulled out a glass dome which protected a simple white frosted cake.

"I'd love to honey, but I don't think they're enough candles in the house." Kerry teased, watching as Henry pulled up a stool beside Kim.

"You can say anything you want, Weaver, as long as I get some cake!" Kim responded, "Right Henry?"

"Right!"

"Smart kid - I think we're gonna get along just fine!" Kerry's mind picked up on that comment and filed it away for examination at a later time. With less wine. "You know Ker," Kim said, accepting her piece of cake, "You didn't have to bake me a cake - the flowers were more than enough! What would you have done if I hadn't shown up? You didn't give me your address after all."

"Henry and I would have had this delicious cake for breakfast." Kerry replied with an air of what she hoped was confidant nonchalantness (was that even a word? She wondered) as she settled down across from her friend and her son and taking a bite off her own slice. "Besides, I didn't make it for you. I wanted to try a new recipe." She dipped her head down to hide the blush she was all but certain would be spreading across her face as she lied. "What do you think?"

"I think you still cook when you're nervous." Kim responded quietly. "I also think this cake is delicious. What do you say, Henry?"

"More please?" He asked, his eyes gleaming and frosting smeared across his mouth as he held up his empty plate.

"I think..." Kerry began, smiling at her son "That one piece of cake is enough. Especially right before bed."

"Bed? But you said I could watch one more episode!"

"I did not." Kerry rose and collected the empty plates. "You asked if you could and I distracted you with cake. I never once said you could."

"But...but... Donna! In the library!"

"Henry - how many times have you seen this episode?"

"Four, but..."

"No buts. You know they save her. Now, PJ's, brush your teeth, bed. I'll be by soon. I love you." She smiled at her son as she kissed him goodnight and watched him trudge out of the kitchen. He stopped and turned around and Kerry put on her best 'I'm Serious' face. But was surprised with him waving past her, "Goodnight Kim."

"Goodnight Henry."

The kitchen stood silent for a few minutes, save for the music, as Kerry finished cleaning the dishes and poured them some more wine. She could feel Kim's eyes on her. Or, specifically, on what was no longer on her. She settled down on her stool across from Kim and responded to the question. "Five years ago. Surgery."

"Hard?"

"Worth it."

"I didn't want to say anything earlier, in front of Carla, wasn't sure how much you wanted people to know."

"Thank you. They know, Carla and Pete. I'm still pretty private, but I'm not the same Kerry. People change."

"People change." She watched as Kim raised her glass to mid-air to toast her before taking a sip.

"How about you Kim? What's changed in your life?"

"One thing at a time Kerry, I'm bored of my life, I'd like to hear more about yours. What's the most interesting thing to happen to you?"

"Recently? You." Kerry was tired - the events and the emotions of the day caught up with her.

"Honesty is always one approach."

"It's my only approach." Kerry confessed. "I find it makes things easier."

"I'll keep that in mind. Do you keep in touch with many people from County?"

"Not many - a few."

"Carter?"

"Carter. Last time I went back was at the opening of the Clinic Carter opened."

"Good for him. I'm sure it meant a lot to have you there. You meant a lot to him, Ker." Kerry watched in detached curiosity as Kim reached out and placed a hand on her wrist.

"He meant a lot to me. More than I think I ever told him. Uh -" She didn't want to get emotional, not tonight. "Abby and Luka went off to Boston. We do the Christmas and Birthday card route. Elizabeth, oddly enough, pops into town once or twice a month - we go out for dinner."

"As in Corday? Who'd sooner kick the crutch out from under you than be nice?"

"We learned we can be nice to each other so long as we're not working together. Besides..." This seemed as good a time as any to address the unspoken topic of Kim's interest. "She was there for me when Sandy...when Sandy died." She noticed the weight of Kim's hand lift off of her wrist. "I suppose grief will do that, bring out the other sides in people."

"Do you want to talk about Sandy?" Kim asked, looking down at her wine glass.

"No. But I figured you should hear it from me. I know you saw Henry's photo in my office."

"I did. What do you want me to know right now, about Sandy?"

"I..." Kerry paused, unsure of how to respond. She didn't want to talk about the bad things, the custody battles, the lonely nights. "I loved her, and she died too soon and she's been gone longer than we were together, but I still miss her."

"Ok." She watched as Kim digested this information. "Ok."

"Ok." Kim absorbed this information. It was weird to think of Kerry having a tragic, romantic love affair - this was the woman who was so distant, so impersonal that it took months of working together before she could call her 'Kerry' without fear of being Weaver-ed. 'Ok."

"Your turn." Kim groaned as the woman before her smiled up, "Kimberly Legaspi, Doctor extraordinaire escapes from the clutches of County General for the safe haven of San Francisco, then what?"

"Then?" Kim thought, "Nothing."

"Nothing? Kim, I refuse to believe that in 10 years nothing of note happened to you." Kerry laughed, draining the last of her wine.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you - but nothing. Of note anyways. I'm still working, I have friends, I go out, life has been...steady" Too steady, she thought to herself silently "...the last few years. I don't know - it's just...been. Until Miami that is." She really didn't know why she was getting into this. She didn't want to, but here it was, the legendary Legaspi word vomit. "You know I wasn't even supposed to come to the conference? My boss's daughter got sick so he sent me to take his place and present his findings."

"Well..." She watched as Kerry figured out what to say. Way to go, make the widow feel awkward and sad for you, she berated herself. "If you wouldn't mind a professional opinion, Doctor?" Kerry asked, looking up from playing with the stem of her wine glass

"I'd love one, Doctor. Wait - are you even a doctor still here?" She asked, "Because I don't want some quack diagnosing me. If I did, I'd have stayed in San Francisco!" She laughed.

"Kim, you're deflecting." Damn it, she was. "See, I was listening to you when you'd talk to me. Most of the time. When you had your clothes on, anyways." Kerry teased lightly. "You are in your mid-30's; you've stayed in one city longer than you ever have in your entire life, you've probably watched most of your friends get married, or at least partner off, and though you most likely enjoy your job, you may not enjoy your life as much as you think you should and you can't help but wonder why, when you look out across the table during Sunday brunch how come you're still alone, and everyone else has found their missing sock of a partner."

"Well..." Shell shock would be an accurate description of the variety of emotions she felt pouring over her body at Kerry's words.

"Now, I'm only guessing here -"

"It's a hell of a guess Kerry." She snapped, lashing out at the redhead, looking her directly in the eye, "You still don't believe in pussyfooting around, do you? I mean, we've spent an hour together and you're diagnosing me."

"Kim," She watched as the smaller woman took a deep breath then released it, "It's almost one and I'm a little tipsy. I'm usually in bed, sober, by eleven. So I'm tired, and it's a little weird to look across from my kitchen counter where I chop vegetables and see you, pouting, and eyeing the last of the red wine. Would you like it?"

"No." Yes. Yes I would. "And I'm not pouting."

"I have missed you, and your pouting." She watched as the other woman poured out the last of the bottle into the empty cup and push it towards Kim. "You were in my life for a very short time and came to mean a lot to me. I couldn't imagine what my life would've been like if you were never in it, or if you never decided to stay that night at Doc Magoo's."

"That's funny," She laughed, "When I miss you, which has been more than I care to admit, I sometimes wonder what life would've been like if I hadn't stayed that night."

"Do you think you'd be happier?" The older woman asked, her voice tinged with curiosity.

"Yes." Yes, she really did think she'd be happier, at least she wouldn't have known that someone could hurt her so deeply in such a short amount of time. "Things changed after you, Kerry. I changed."

"You got older."

"Whatever it was, I didn't like it. I still don't."

"Well, I don't know what to tell you." Kerry shrugged. "Shit happens."

"Kerry Weaver, did you just quote some Lesbian pop culture to me? I'm impressed!"

"Well thanks," She smiled, her green eyes twinkling, "I was hoping it'd work. Or at the very least make you smile. Kim, I know what you're going though, only because I went through it. It's called 'your 30's'."

"Well, whatever it is, it sucks!" It really does. So much so that I'm going to drink the last of the wine Kerry poured for me. "You know, I didn't ask Carla about you after we left. I didn't want to know." Why did I tell her that? Seriously, if I wasn't already well on my way to being drunk, I'd stop drinking.

"Know what?"

"Your story, your status. I mean, I saw the photo of Henry, so I figured some things had changed. But I didn't want to know. I made for a very awkward car ride back."

"I bet." She smirked at me from across the counter as she got up and poured us two glasses of water. "Drink this."

"And then you showed up, at the restaurant, and I thought I could totally handle it." Her head began to swim with the wine and the memories of tonight. "The flowers and the fact that you remembered my birthday was...surprisingly touching. I guess I'm getting sentimental in my old age, though I bet you'd know all about it." I tease her, "What with your advanced age and wisdom. And then...this is where I get lost."

"Lost how?" She asks, watching me carefully.

"I don't know. We go out, and all I could think about for the rest of the night, while I'm out with my friends, was how easy it felt to hug you. Hold you, right, right here..." She pressed her hand firmly against her chest, noticing Kerry nodding in agreement. "And then how you looked crossing the street. You looked like...you...but...some sort of alternate universe you. Like Work Weaver managed to escape the four walls of County and merge with real life Weaver, who was always so...shy. God, you were so painfully shy sometimes, Ker. That's all I kept thinking about, was how I'd like to get to know this Kerry, this version of Kerry Weaver. So when dinner finished, and everyone was deciding where to go for dancing, I had begged Carla for your address and...I drank your wine and got entirely too drunk. I should call a cab!" She stood abruptly, it was past one, wasn't it? Wasn't it what Kerry had said.

"Kim?"

"Yes?" She looked for her purse. Did she bring a purse?

"I think you should stay."

"I'm not that drunk." At least she really hoped she wasn't. She really was getting old, wasn't she?

"I'm not saying you are. I'm saying it's past one in Miami on a Friday night, you'll never grab a cab. But I have a guest room, and it faces the water and tomorrow is Saturday, and I always make pancakes on Saturday. Stay?"

She hated Kerry for doing this, for offering. How could she say no when she really didn't want to. She wanted to stay. She wanted to wake up in a strange bed, and have an old friend make breakfast while she watched Saturday morning cartoons with a seven year old she barely knew but liked already. She had wished on her birthday candles at the restaurant for a new life, and here was Kerry, offering her one, at least for a few hours, and she wanted nothing more than to say yes...


	5. Chapter 5

Kim stared at the walls surrounding her, curious at what she'd discover. Kerry had lead her up to the guest room then said she'd return with pajamas - but that had been a few moments ago. Kim was proud of herself, she hadn't touched much, not wanting to be caught running her fingers over everything in an effort to try to glean as much information as she could about the strange and familiar woman who'd brought her up here.

The walls were a warm beige, Kerry mentioned they'd be lighter in the sun - she offered to turn on the overhead, but Kim insisted on the soft glow of the bedside lamp. The large bed was laid out in the center of the room, dressed in crisp white sheets. Of course it'd be ready for company, Kim thought to herself, smoothing out a non-existant wrinkle, it was such a Weaver thing. Kim also had a guest room for the rare friend who couldn't make it home, except hers was currently buried in about 3 years worth of wrinkled laundry, old textbooks and gift wrap. Across from the bed, the wall was dominated by a series of dark wooden bookshelves. Each was meticulously organized with books and binders with the odd photo or memento acting as a bookend. The far wall was made mostly of glass, with a door that lead to a small balcony - Kim supposed the inkly blackness that was beyond was the Atlantic. In the corner, against the glass wall stood a wooden desk holding a slim silver laptop and a stack of file folders with a pen placed just so.

Kim cocked her head to the side, hearing footsteps in the hall stop short. Curious, she made her way to the door and opened it slightly - peering out into the dark hallway. Across from her room was Henry's, his closed door now opened and revealing more than she was ever meant to see - a still grieving woman illuminated by the orange glow of her son's nightlight. Kim knew she should close the door, but couldn't bring herself to do it. It was fascinating to Kim, watching people, in their most unguarded moments, to see what they did when they thought no one was watching them. For her, it was like falling in love with her job all over again. Hiding herself behind her door, she continued to watch as Kerry went through the room, picking up some clothes and folding them, taking the crumpled blanket from the foot of Henry's bed and draping it back on his tiny body. She then stopped and kneeled down beside his bed, brushing the dark hair off of his face, she murmured something so softly that Kim couldn't hear, then placed a soft kiss on his forehead. Kim softly shut the door, more out of fear of getting caught overstepping her bounds her bounds as guest than any other sense of propriety. She knew Kerry would be back in a moment and she needed a cover, something to make it seem she had passed the time without intruding. She eyed the books - then noticed the small sound system with an iPod in the center of one of the units. She quickly picked it up and began fiddling with it when Kerry knocked on the door and slowly opened it. "Can I come in?" She asked poking her head in.

"Of course," Kim replied, turning her attention from the gadget in her hand to the woman who just walked in. "Dad rock, Ker? Really?"

"What? Last time you were all cranky because all I listened to was motown, I'm moving up through the decades." Kerry defended herself, as she set a small bundle on the bed. "Besides, the Stones are great to work to."

"Yeah, about that..." Kim began "What do you do?"

"What do you mean? You saw me at the station."

"I did. And while I'm sure you make a good living from that, I sincerely doubt that it's enough for this house."

"That's where your wrong - it's enough for this house."

"But..." The blonde lead on.

"It's not enough for this view." Kerry began to blush. She got Weaver flustered. Excellent. It was about time Kim had the upper hand, if even for a moment.

"Ah. And what is it that provides us with this view? Which I still haven't seen, by the way?"

"It's there, I promise. New topic."

"I wasn't done with the original topic." Now this was curious turn, Kim thought.

"New topic Kim." She looked at her with eyes somewhere between pleading and demanding and something reminded her that the woman before her didn't like to get pushed too far. Besides, she could always snoop around in depth once Kerry left.

"So all that Spiritualized & XX downstairs, who's it belong to?" Kim popped the iPod back onto its stand and it began to play softly. Honestly, she didn't want to know if it was going to be a girlfriend's errant iPod, or worse, an ex's. Kim thought she was entirely too sober for dealing with that.

"What?" Kerry stared at her blankly as if she began to speak another language.

"Downstairs, the music you had playing, those were the bands." Kerry shrugged as she stepped towards Kim, whose breath got stuck somewhere between her lungs and her throat as Kerry reached an arm just past the blonde's arm to change the song. "The noisy hipster stuff? I don't know. Julie's I guess."

"Oh. Julie." Kim repeated, tucking a strand behind her ear, nodding in acceptance. Of course it'd be Julie. Who else. Julie was probably some ultra cool gallery owner who was currently off on some sort of whirlwi-

"I think it was from her boyfriend, actually. Julie's my assistant. Not that you were curious at all." Kerry answered, her mouth in a tight line, but her eyes twinkling with knowledge.

"Not at all Weaver. Just because you think you know everything doesn't mean you actually do." Kim smiled, leaning forward, feeling relieved that her runaway imagination had been checked.

And then she kissed her.

A quick kiss - warm and sweet from wine and cake - but a kiss none the less.

It was over. It was nothing more than a glorified peck, really - but it was a kiss, and it was Kerry and ... "God Kerry, I'm sorry, I -"

"Don't worry about it." Kerry gave her hand a light squeeze then stepped back. "It was bound to happen."

"I didn't mean to - I shouldn't have do-" Kerry swiftly stood up on her toes and placed her lips against Kim's for a moment, then lowered herself back down.

"Feel better?" The redhead asked.

"Um. Maybe after another one?"

"Don't push your luck Legaspi, it's not your birthday anymore." Kerry smiled then turned around towards the bed. "I brought you something to change into. If you get cold, I keep a sweater in the drawer of the desk - so feel free to grab that. I also brought you some towels if you wanted to shower tomorrow morning." She handed Kim a pair of grey shorts and a white t-shirt.

"Thanks." Kim took the offered clothes, careful not to touch the other woman's hand - afraid of pushing too far too fast. Not that she knew what she was pushing to.

The air had changed, the mood had changed - suddenly everything grew heavy around them. Kim wasn't sure what to do, she just knew she was desperate to regain that earlier sense of ease. She turned to the darkness past the window. "So that's your ocean?"

"That's our ocean." Kerry repeated, crossing to the balcony door and throwing it open, letting the chill and the sound of the waves rush in at them. Kim stepped forward until she was close enough to feel the heat from the smaller woman, while not quite touching her. This was nice, standing together, staring out into the vast darkness, listening to the dull din of the beach. It was lifetimes away from where she had ever thought she'd be. For once, Kim was glad to have been wrong. "It's beautiful."

"It's dark."

"Well, you see one ocean, you've seen 'em all." Kim smirked, bumping shoulders with the other woman. "You are lucky, seeing it every day. I'm trying to think of the last time I went to the ocean was. I mean, you can see it from the Peaks, but actually going - it's probably been... too long."

"Seems to be a recurring theme in your life."

"I'm sorry, shouldn't I be lying down?" Kim asked, "I mean if you're going to analyze me."

"Good night, Kim." Kerry turned around and headed to the door.

"Good night, Ker." Kim replied, afraid to turn around. She could see the other woman's reflection in the window, leaning against the doorjamb, her exhaustion hiding behind her hair. She always always thought Kerry looked beautiful tired, it was the only time she was unguarded. Vulnerable. She liked that. It was proof that Kerry wasn't as strong as she pretended to be. That she was human, just like the rest of the world. Kim remembered how hard it was to watch Kerry at County General - nobody, herself included, was ever good enough, or quick enough for her. That's what made those precious moments of sheer vulnerability so unexpected, so alluring. If Kim turned around, she wasn't quite sure she'd be able to stop herself from doing or saying something stupid. After a long moment, she heard the click of the door shut behind her.

Ok, so maybe she was starting to get some sort of idea as to what she had been pushing for, she thought as she stripped down, tossing her clothes in the corner. And it was a bad, bad idea. A very bad idea. She repeated as she slid into Kerry's clothes and crawled into bed, turning off the lights. It would be an awful idea, falling back in love with the woman who broke her heart, especially if said woman was still devastatingly heartbreaking, and had a child, and lived clear across the country. The sound of the waves began to carry her towards sleep, further and further from her slowly growing thoughts. There would be time for thinking tomorrow. Tonight, she was safe, and warm, and full of cake and good thoughts. Tomorrow, she thought to herself as she fell deeper into sleep.

Tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

It wasn't the bright grey of morning that woke Kerry up, or the sound of the tide rushing up and down the sand, it wasn't even the seagulls squawking. No, she was used to all those sounds, they had become as second nature to her as her neighbors' car alarm once was. It was the sense of confusion, that something wasn't quite right that pulled her up from the depths of her dreams towards the day. She blinked once, twice in the grey light and looked around to figure out where she was. "Ugh." She tossed her head back against the patio chair she had slept on last night. She hated waking up here - on the balcony of her bedroom - it usually meant stiff joints and muscles, and while she was no longer reliant on her crutch, her mobility was a matter which required her attention, if not others. The wear and tear her body had already been through had taken their toll and the damage was done - she should've known better than to do something as stupid as sleep on a cramped chair in the chilly air. At least she had thought to grab a blanket to wrap around herself, she thought as stretched one arm, than the other, above her head until the stiffness pushed the pain into pleasure. She glanced at her watch, almost seven. Too early for breakfast, too late to go back to sleep... How did she fall asleep out here when she hadn't done it in ages?

Last night ... last night... She remembered the kiss - which was playful for her, and fun - a way to prove that for once and for all she was over Kim Legaspi, both the ghost and the girl. She'd always be a girl to Kerry, with her curls and her smirks and her laugh and those eyes which couldn't help but reveal everything she was feeling (even if most of last night was a mixture of longing and confusion). But then the night turned, somewhere between the ocean and the door, Kerry remembered Kim's reflection in the window before she left for the night, looking back at her with sheer desire. She left before she could say anything, or do anything they'd both regret, but as she closed the door she remembered being overcome by sadness. She had gone into her room and out onto her balcony to look up at the stars and the ocean - vastness scared her, so she never understood why she loved it here. Even as a child, the vastness of spaces terrified her, the ability to see nothing but space, infinite seeming space, was unsettling. Maybe it was this connection to her childhood that drew her to the sea, the same sense of infinity. She knew there was an end to the ocean, just as she knew there was an end to life, to the hot water in her shower, but it still seemed endless to her. She curled up on her chair and listened to the water and the music drifting from the next room over - the next thing she knew, here she was.

She rose slowly, shifting her weight from hip to hip, trying to ease out the tension in her body. It was a beautiful morning - the shadowy clouds wouldn't last long, but they were perfect for her Saturday runs. She she entered her room and began to shed her clothes and put on her running gear. Running was a generous term. People like Kim, or Julie, or Pete were runners. They measured every breath and step and mile - she was, uncharacteristically, rather lax about it. For Kerry, running was something to do, something new to experience. She knew she'd never be great at it, she would, after a lifetime of being tied to her crutch, settle for being competent. She left her room and from the hall she popped her head into Henry's room, and couldn't help but smile, his limbs sprawled out across the bed and dangling off the bed - he reminded her so much of Sandy when she watched him like this. She tore herself away from his door and paused at the closed door of the guest room where she fought the urge to peek in.

With her sneakers slung over her shoulder, she made her way down the stairs and through her kitchen onto the deck, careful to slide the door shut behind her. She stepped into her sneakers then stepped down onto the sand and past the fence towards the water. She never stretched - never saw the point of it when her warm up did the same thing. One foot in front of the other, one breath in and one breath out - she kept her eye on the distance ahead. She was thankful for the clouds, keeping the heat and the crowds away for a bit. Kerry loved these mornings, these moments - they happened so infrequently that when they did occur, she would marvel at them. This was a new acquisition to her personality - learned from Henry, the joy for the good things in life, no matter how many times they occurred. Not for the first time in her life, she was astonished at where she ended up; literally and figuratively miles away from where she'd started, but that seemed to be her life; Africa to America; Chicago to Miami - always where people least expected her. After about 15 minutes, she decided to double back with the goal of keeping the same brisk pace. Other runners sped past her, but she was unconcerned, focusing instead on the dull thudding sound of her sneakers in the wet sand and the water rushing up to meet her. One foot in front of the other, one breath in and one breath out.

Entering her kitchen from the deck, she kicked off her shoes and poured herself a glass of water and swallowed it down in a single breath. From upstairs she could hear Henry starting to stir, which meant Kim would wake up soon too, unless she had become a heavier sleeper since their last meeting. She made her way to the laundry room where she peeled off the wet t-shirt which clung to her back and put on a fresh one from the dryer, thankful that she had forgotten all about that last load. She glanced at her purse and thought for a moment to spray on some perfume - not that she was expecting anyone to get close to her she thought, then rolled her eyes at her own lies and riffled through until she found her bottle and misted herself generously, drawing the line at lipstick. Perfume could be excused, lipstick seemed obvious. She headed back to her kitchen and turned on her iPod, then the coffee machine. Saturdays had their routines, their rituals, and she was nothing if not a devout observer of them. She pulled out her ingredients and began to work meticulously. She set her eggs into a bowl of warm water, washed the pint of blueberries, pulled out the flour and sugar and mixed and stirred them all together - she had made this recipe so many times that it was rote, as familiar to her as stitches. She set the pan to warm on the stove and turned on the oven to heat up the breakfast plates then searched the fridge until she found her secret ingredient... the cans of Sprite she hid in the back, away from Henry's prying eyes. He loved guessing the 'secret ingredient' and each week she'd give him one guess and each week he'd guess wrong, the deal being that if he guessed right, she'd teach him how to make her super-secret, super-awesome pancakes.

"Morning..." He yawned, padding down the stairs in his pajamas and socks, a blanket dragging behind him.  
"Morning Hen."  
"Can I watch..." He yawned again coming up to her and burying himself in her side in a hug, causing her to hold hers back, "TV until breakfast is ready?"  
"Sure, but can you do me a huge favor and go and GENTLY knock on Kim's door and see if she wants breakfast?"  
"H'okay." He yawned one last time and stretched before dragging his blanket back up the stairs, allowing Kerry to return to the task at hand. She measured out the batter and dropped in the berries - behind her, she heard the familiar theme song of Henry's favorite show.

"Oh my GOD Kerry, have you seen that woman?" Kim greeted her, standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the TV, "She's the spitting image of Elizabeth Corday!"  
"I know, he's convinced it's her -" Kerry replied, glancing over her shoulder at her guest. She slid the pancakes onto a waiting plate and slid it into the warm oven and began the next round. "Uncanny isn't it?" Free for a moment, she turned to face the other woman who made her way further into the kitchen. Something seemed...odd, she thought about Kim, standing there in her shorts and her worn grey hoody. "Good morning."  
"Morning." Kim replied, smiling at her, "Hope you don't mind, I borrowed your hoody?"  
"No, no, it looks good on you."  
"It should." The blonde smirked at her, "I was wondering where it went."  
"Ah..." Kerry turned around to flip the pancakes, hoping the embarrassment wasn't obvious. "You can have it back."  
"Thanks, but I think it belongs here now, you've had it longer." She felt the taller woman place a light touch on her hip as she stood behind her and grabbed a mug from the cupboard. Kerry was suddenly very thankful for her spritz of perfume. "Pour you coffee?" Kim asked, stepping back and removing her hand.  
"Uh...Yes please."

They moved in unison, aware of the other, but not in their way until Kim eventually settled at the counter on the same chair she occupied last night. Kerry slid another batch of pancakes in the oven and began pulling out some fruit from the fridge, quickly chopping up bananas, apples and pears into a bowl. She avoided looking at Kim, even though she knew she was being watched by blue eyes peering over the rim of her coffee mug. She didn't want to see Kim sitting there, drinking coffee as if this was normal, because it wasn't and it would never be, and for some reason, she really, really wanted it to be.

"You ok?" Kim asked, her lips curling upwards. Kerry had happily lived for a long time without that Cheshire cat grin - she had a feeling those days were over.  
"Why?"  
"Avoidance."  
"I believe it's deflection, Doctor." Kerry replied, hoping her lips curved convincingly into a match of Kim's.  
"I love watching you work in the kitchen." Kim spoke, changing the topic as she stood. "Want to hand me some silverware? I keep expecting your crutch - and it never appears. It's like a magic trick."  
"Never. Henry - pause the TV, breakfast is ready!" Kerry pulled out the plates and handed them across the counter to Kim who set them at the table.  
"Do you miss it?"  
"No." She smiled at Henry and passed Kim a glass of juice to set at his seat. "I do miss being able to threaten others with it though." She joked, joining her son and Kim at the table.  
"Oh, I'm sure you're scary all on your own, Doctor Weaver."  
"Flattery will get you everywhere." She teased, watching them dig into their plates.  
"All I want it to get me is more of these pancakes! They're great, aren't they Henry?"  
"Mopsgfui" He answered, gulping down some juice.  
"What?"  
"Mouth full. Can't talk." He repeated between bites.  
"You know you can breathe between bites, right?" Kerry asked her son, watching in amazement as he finished his plate and took another helping of fruit.  
"Bufpafsfjpoas -"  
"In English?"  
"I told Tim I'd meet him next door so we can um..."  
"I'm guessing the end of that isn't 'to do homework' is it?" Kerry teased, popping a banana chunk in her mouth.  
"No."  
"And do you have homework?"  
"Yes. But that's what SUNDAYS are for! Right Kim?" He asked, flashing her a charming smile.  
"Hey buddy, that's between you and your mom. I've got one job, and that's to finish these pancakes." Kim said, snatching a piece of pancake from Kerry's plate.  
"Hey -" Kerry fended off Kim's returning fork. "Ok, you can go to Tim's and leave homework for tomorrow, but I want at least 1 hour of practice today, OK?"  
"Deal!" He shot up from the table, grabbing his dishes and dropping them in the sink with a crash before running up the stairs. "I'm going to go get ready! Thanks mom! See you when I get back, Kim!"  
"Bye Henry!" The blonde called out, spooning more fruit onto her plate.

Kerry glanced over at the woman to her left, curious to see her reaction, but there was none.

"Henry's right, you know." Kim began, finishing off her pancakes, "The Sprite really does make a difference."  
"What?"  
"He said it's the Sprite that makes your pancakes great. He's right, all airy and light. What's wrong?"  
"Nothing," Kerry said, shaking her head slightly.  
"Well something's bothering you, what is it?" Kim asked, getting up and refilling both of their coffee cups.  
"It's just..." Kerry was at a loss for words, watching Kim move around as if she belonged here, watching her son treat her as if she belonged here.  
"Just what?"  
"Henry's really shy. I just haven't seen him..." She didn't know what she wanted to say, just that she hadn't seen Henry take to that many people so quickly.  
"Guess I just have that natural charm, on Weavers at least." Kim responded, "You know, if you're not going to finish that..." Kim motioned towards the left over pancake on her plate.

"It's all yours." Kerry pushed the plate towards the other woman and watched in wonder as she made short work of it. She supposed in the same way Kim liked watching her work in the kitchen, Kerry liked watching Kim enjoy eating. She liked the way Kim looked sitting at the table, the sun starting to peek out past the clouds and shine onto those yellow curls. She liked those yellow curls. She liked looking over the counter and seeing Kim sitting on the second chair and she didn't like where this line of thought was going. Kerrry quickly rose and began to clear the plates.

"Leave those, Ker. Just sit down a minute."  
"I should get them in the dishwasher before I jump into the shower."  
"I'll do it. You go, shower." Kim offered, getting up and making her way over to Kerry at the sink.  
"You sure?" Kerry wouldn't normally let a guest do it, but given Kim's proximity, and the rush of emotions she was suddenly feeling, she'd take any out she could to escape being so close to the other woman. She stepped away, towards the doorway.  
"Yeah. You looked good out there." Kim said, "Nice form."  
"You saw me?" Kerry asked.  
"Yeah, I wanted to take a look at this ocean of yours, make sure you weren't just trying to get me in bed, and there you were. Pretty good pace, good form. Look cute in your shorts too."

And with that, Kim turned to face the sink and began to rinse the dishes.


	7. Chapter 7

I can feel Kerry watching me. It's like a sixth sense. She's always had this way of looking at me with nothing but compete and utter honest emotions pouring out of her eyes. I've often wonder if she looks at everyone like that, or just the chosen few. If I was going to get all maudlin, I'd wonder if she looked at Sandy that way, or whoever came after. But it's entirely too nice here, sitting on the patio with my legs up, basking in the sun with a cup of coffee in my hand. I'm just going to sit here for a minute longer and enjoy it, every last moment and detail of it. I know it'll be gone sooner than I know - I have work tomorrow.

Work.

San Francisco.

California.

It all seems like it's so far away, and if I'm honest, I like it being so distant from me here and now. I like that for a few moments longer I can pretend that Kerry's life is mine, that I can slip into someone's life as easily as they can slip into my hoody. I tug the sleeves of my hoody, tempted to take it back with me, I remember buying it after a long hunt for the perfect one. Christy thought I was insane dragging her from store to store; when she found out I let Kerry borrow it she was sure I was certifiable. I couldn't help it, I liked thinking of Kerry in it. When I left, I thought about asking for it back but couldn't bring myself to do it, I just wanted to get rid of everything she had ever touched, wore or liked. I wonder if she even - "You can take it back with you." She finally murmured, stepping out onto the deck and sitting down on the chair next to me.

"It's yours. I considered it a write-off years ago." I smile and hold up my cup of coffee to cheers with her. "This really is a beautiful place, you must love it."  
"I do. I never thought this is where life'd end up..." She looks out at the ocean, following my gaze. "Sometimes I wonder how long it'll last."  
"Still the pessimist I see?"  
"Still like to see every possibility and prepare for them."  
"Some you can't see coming, Ker." I say, only half thinking of our situation.  
"You're right. You can't. You just do your best to go along with them. It's not always a bad thing." She takes a sip from her coffee. The air between us changes and I know if I don't make my exit, this conversation will veer towards heavy territory that I'm not ready to deal with. Call it the San Franciscan in me.  
"How big's your water heater? Think you've got any hot water to spare?" I smile, lowering my legs off the railing and rising.  
"Sit a while." She invites me, looking up.  
"I'd love to - but I should head back to my hotel and pack up before my flight."  
"Are you ok?"  
"Great! I've had the best night's sleep that I can remember, I got to eat all the pancakes I want and drink all the coffee I want. I'm a woman of simple pleasures." I reach down and place a hand on her shoulder.  
"I mean, are YOU ok?"  
"I've been better." I admit, "I've also been worse. I'm still here, so that's saying something." And as I speak I can feel the conversation careening off the rails.  
"You know, you're the age I was when we first met -" She takes my hand off my shoulder and leads me back to my chair where I flop down, bringing my knees up to my chest. "I know what it's like, looking around at everyone and wondering why they get to live these 'real' lives."  
"My life's real..." I mutter, knowing a) that that's completely not the point and b) that she's right. She shoots me a look and continues. "You know what I mean. You wonder why they get to be paired off, but you're too exhausted to actually engage in that. Sometimes you wonder why no one falls out of the sky in front of you. Sometimes you think dying alone wouldn't be too bad of an option so long as you don't have a cat to eat your corpse when you die."  
"I have a goldfish. Had. He died. You know you can overfeed them?"  
"Right when you're ok with all this, the dead goldfish and the possibility of being single for all of eternity, someone comes in. They're this amazing, beautiful person who wants to spend time with you, get to know you and makes you laugh and do everything you'd forgotten how to do."  
"And then they leave. Or you leave. It doesn't last."  
"Your right, it doesn't. Not all the time. But you're a new person when it's over. Someone who remembers how to laugh and smile. It begins again."  
"And then it ends it ends. Do you see the common theme here Ker? I appreciate what you're doing but-"  
"I'm not the same person I was when you left." She says. It comes out so easily, so smoothly. I blink at her.  
"I don't know what you're saying."  
"I'm not the same person I was when you left." She repeats, looking at me, squinting in the sun.  
"In some ways you are. And in some ways I'm not the same person I was when I left. In someways I am." I sigh. There hasn't been enough gin consumed to make this conversation even remotely possible.  
"Then we'll work through it."  
"Towards what, Ker? You're here. I'm in San Francisco. You have a child, I have a dead goldfish. You have a house and I have a sublet. Do you see where this is going? There's very little to work through!"  
"There's you and there's me. There's still this between us."  
"And what do you want me to do about it? Because there's not a whole lot of options I can think of." She's looking at me with those eyes - and I remember what it's like to be Weavered all over again. "You know, I can shower at the hotel." I say, too tired for all of this. I get up make my way to the door. In the reflection of the glass I see Kerry standing, looking at me as I'm walking away. This feels entirely too familiar. I can't seem to go in, but I can't seem to look at her so I stand where I am. Rooted in place. I close my eyes for a moment to gather strength for whatever's going to come next, and when I open them, Kerry is between the door and me. She places a hand on my hip as she steps close and raised the other to my face. I can smell the soap on her wrist and the shampoo from her hair. "Or you can stay?" She murmurs, bringing her lips to mine. It's not an earth shattering moment. We had kissed last night. Twice. But it was...peaceful and calm. There was a promise of something more in the way she ran her hand through my hair, but the distance of what could be the last kiss between two people. Everything we were and had spoken about was right there in our kiss.

I could stay, or I could go.

It was entirely up to me.

"Or I could stay." I murmur, deepening our kiss. We'll figure it out. We will. Because while we may still be the same stubborn and determined Kim and Kerry we were in Chicago, we're not. We know what's important, and it's not pride; or fear; or anger.

It's love.


End file.
